Barry Robaix 2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=oPRqImO80Qg&NR=1

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=3653842514609&set=a.1056929033395.10950.1530932524&type=1&theater

Frank Lalonde Facing Star Wars Sanctions

Frank Lalonde is a No-Show to The Star Wars

                                                     They got the bug boy on him-

Ewing puts in Sanctions


 Mark Ewing felt he had no choice to come down on Star Pup Frank Lalonde for his lack of participation in the 2012 Star Wars Games.  Seeking a thrill, Lalonde coached the Red Hot Carrot Tops(sic) a few years back with mediocre results. He was rewarded this year to a 6-seed for his news articles contributions that helped drive up the Star Wars to a frantic pace.  Lalonde chose Frank Zappa this year.  While the readers of the Blog waited for Frank to put in some articles, Zappa was bowled over by the hot Paul McCartney.  Lalonde did not put in a single article, although he was seen throwing out dozens of news articles to the Facebook.  "We got 12 blurbs a day from him.  News of the odd, and news of the downright mundane.  Today it was: How to make a chocolate Millenium Falcon,  a photo of a windmill, and an obiturary to someone I never knew.

 "Lalonde will have to move down to a 13-seed.  Nothing personal, just business.  He will have to submit an actual band that tries to be a band and not a circus act."

 Tony Signore:  "Frank is the wicked man.  He shoulda get kicked out for a year, oh laws,  but well, he is a 13-seed now.  I love the slop.  I eat it up."

Final Four Preview

Heading into the Big Easy, The Final Four of Star Wars wobble on, ready for the Battle of Orleans. Vegas has produced the odds:

2.5 — 2-Roy Orbison's  line over 2-The Shins.


8.5 — 1-Graham Parker's line over 4-Raul Malo.

-"Its been a good tournament this year", said Star Wars Imperial Wizard Mark Ewing. "We had some great upsets from The Polysics and The Secret Sisters.  We had Sir Tommy Petty go on a great run from way back in the pack.  Peter Frampton, Paul McCartney, Cage The Elephant played tough."

"Where is my pen?", added Tony Signore, (a mere private first class rocket pup.)

 It didn't go well for everyone.  For every Cinderella story, there is a band that got cut down way too early.  "2-Radiohead and 2-Jenny Lewis.  Very disappointing.  Bob Dylan, was eliminated by some tough sons a bitches.  Nick Cave went out too early to the upstart Greensky Bluegrass or whatever the hell that is...." You know, I say it every damn year,  Elvis Costello gets his ass kicked....."said Ewing.

What albums are on the line?

"Hey Parker, where did you get those glasses frames?  From the vent window of a '98 Oldsmobile?"-Tony Signore.

Well, it will not be George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass".  "Signore has been taunting me with him getting that double CD with the large price tag.  Well, his own guy (Orbison) too him out, so that is it for Georgie and his very  basic guitar work.  Maybe he should a tried more stuff on that Sitar or perhaps the electric clavicle."

Mark Ewing is not 100 sure of what albums he wants.  "Give me a few days to figure it out.  Parker has a gigantic and impressive Discography, I need time to get it right, I'll look for some really big box set or something, or an import.  They will have to order it from the Believe In Music store in Nepal."

 "The Shins, I don't even know how many records they have.  They won't win it anyway.  This is the year of the Parker."

"I like......music.", said Tony Signore.

shins

Graham Parker Is In The Final Four!

Graham Parker.

Roy in Finals!

Roy Orbison defeated George Harrison to make to his first final four.  Once again, Coach Signore, "He's fat, out of shape, and I think he's blind, isn't he?"

Raul Malo First Final Four

Raul, down by 12 at half, storms back to become the first team to make the final four.  "He's fat, out of shape, but somehow he won," exclaimed Coach Signore.

Rolling Stones Video

1-Seed Black Keys FALL! (First 1-seed to go down!)

They Gone!  Tony Gone!  Shake-up at McClellan Division?  Black Keys Fall!!

1-Seed Black Keys fall to 4-Seed Raul Malo in McClellan Division!

Tony Signore nervously paced his kitchen, putting away syrup, and pancake mix.  "I had some pancakes with George Harrison, and I could not BELIEVE how many hot cakes George can put away.  He pours syrup all over his FLAPJACKS!! Gonna give him a heart ATTACKKK!! (Why Tony talks like this is anybody's guess). 

 Only days before, Tony sat down with ol' Roy Orbison.  Signore expressed shock and dismay when he learned that everynight before Roy Orbison goes to bed, he sits down to a big bowl of Ohio Buckeyes.  "Get them bitches covered with milk", says, Roy.  "These buckeyes have made a mess of my teeth, but I love em.  Give me MORE BUCKEYES!!"

Anway, Black Keys OUT!  Malo Cups to take on Nada-Cage winner, which is going on now....goota watch it...I'll be back tomarah!!

''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean''....Bobby Dylan

Frampton Happy Not to be Dead!

Peter Frampton was eliminated from the tournament.  By losing to the powerful George Harrison, Frampton seemed relieved. "Yeah man. I started looking around at the other fellas, and they are  all dead.  Not just really old, like me, but really dead!" Glad to still be breathing."
The Stonewall Jackson division apparently has few guidelines on who is allowed to enter.  Signore has always played loose and easy with the rules of life.  "Hey, I just put them on the court. Let God sort it out," Signore chuckled.

George Harrison, Whitney Houston and Roy Orbison could not be reached for comment.

Cage smack talkin'

The following article was sent by rookie coach Dan Signore. We are not sure why he decided to come out of the closet in the middle of this article, but be it as it may....even though he once told me that he would never marry Darren Dalton.


Cage the Elephant made Polysics look like the Japanese school girls that stared in their music video, Polysics Electric Surfin' Go Go. After a brutal beat down of the so-called Radiohead decapitators it was clear that Cage the Elephant was no push over. I am gay, I’m Dan Signore.This relatively unknown, Japanese pop band was heading straight for the storm trooper award, until they faced the imprisoned-animal-that-never-forgets. Cage the Elephant, after being scoffed at when it entered into Star Wars, has something to prove and the small alternative rock band, Nada Surf, and its members Matthew Caws (guitar, vocals), Ira Elliot (drums, backup vocals) and Daniel Lorca are wetting their pants thinking about getting stomped to death by the Elephants in the Sweet 16.

Mark Predicts Sweet 16 Going to the Final Four

Stalingrad:
  1-Graham Parker (In kentucky you eat Graham crackers)over the 4-Heartless Bastards. (you want Indy? You a bastard)  Parker is too powerful!!

3-The Raveonettes over the 15-Little Willies.  Ravs too talented, Willies have not seen tough competition. (The Bay has a Rav party. Write an X with your Willie.)
...................................................................................

George McClellan
 1-Black Keys over the 4-Raul Malo:  Black Keys should be able to beat the shit out of Malo-the quietest 4-seed in Star Wars, no one ever cares to talk about him. (MSU takes blacks, Lou loves malo cups)

7-Cage The Elephant over 3-Nada Surf:  Cage has played tough.  Dan Signore's soccer coaching has transferred well to Star Wars. (Nada good ever happens in Marquette, Florida partys too much, need a big cage)
....................................................................................

Stonewall
  4-Peter Frampton over 1-George Harrison:  Harrison loves syrup all over his big stack of flapjacks. What a mess, all that syrup everywhere, way too many pancakes, how can one person eat that many?  Frampton quickly becoming a Cinderalla.  He Downded Syndromed UP off Springsteen, then beat Nick Lowe and 5-Mott the Hoople.  Frampton outplays Harrison on guitar anyway. Frampton is WISked away.

6-Whitney Houston over 2-Roy Orbison:  Why not, Houston, not without sin (Cin), has the street smarts to upset ol Roy.  Mark has all his stuff, why Tony had to put him in StarWars is another example of errors by Tony.  Lets all pull for Whitney. (But keep your ORBs on Ohio State.)
.......................................................................................
Guadalcanal
  1-The Rolling Stones over 13-Sir Tom Petty:  Signore has turned Guadalcanal upside down.  Stones have been hit hard, and are not at full strength, but they can still take it.  Petty could be resting on his big award laurels and not be able to concentrate.  Guadalcanal is the bloodiest of Divisions, it won't be easy for anyone.  I like the Stones. (OH OH Ohio!-Tom Petty)

2-The Shins over 11-Paul McCartney:  I kan get kicked in the shins.....but I don't even know what to think here.  The Shins have done nothing to indicate they could lose.....McCartney will be punished for beating down Bobby Dylan. I Kan get kicked in the shins, but NC State has an English Mate in Paul.)

...........................................................................

Final Four:  Stalingrad-McClellan:  1-Graham Parker Vs 1-Black Keys

                    Stonewall-Guadalcanal: 4-Peter Frampton Vs 1-Rolling Stones.
............................................................................................................................................................

2012 Stormtrooper Award Winner!! TOM PETTY!

Tom Petty:  2012 Stormtrooper Award Winner!!  Tom Petty becomes IMMORTAL!

It was a Friday night.  It was in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Winter of 89. In a few short weeks, it would become the 1990's.  It was a wintery, icy, slippery night.  Mark and Tony were at the Breton house, looking for some trouble.  Trouble they found.  Getting into Tony's LeCar, the boys drove around with no particular place to go.  Others would have stayed inside because of the slippery weather.  Not Tony.  Tony stuck in a Tommy Petty tape into the tape player.  It was Petty's latest, "Full Moon Fever".  Somehow "Running Down A Dream" stood out like no other song.  It was played over and over repeately.  Beer was bought.  Beer was drunk as they drove down 28th St.  You know, that is illegal in some states.  Tom Petty had crafted a great song that fit our hedonistic spirit.  That whole album was good.  Petty had risen above and put out a great legacy, yet he never seemed to get rewarded for it.  Tony hit the brakes on purpose and the car would swerve uncontrollably.  Mark was playing an air guitar and bobbing his head wildly.  Tony was drumming on the steering wheel like a chimpanzee.  The music was loud, yet Tony had to have it louder.  Stopping at a fast food place, they ordered burgers, fries, but no pop.  They couldn't stop laughing.  They washed the food down with gallons of beer.  "Running Down A Dream" never got old, not did the sliding around in the car.  They somehow didn't get killed.  On that day, Tom Petty became immortal.  Today he gets his award.

Tom Petty, a low13-seed, drew a tough match in his first game. Petty found himself in Guadalcanal.   Ewing was favored with the big gun 1-Rolling Stones.  The Stones had many good bands protecting the ridge.  Petty was paired with a force: 4-John Prine.  Ewing had Prine on a fast-track. he was heavily armed.  Petty and his band of Heartbreakers, with little rations, and a few 30 aughts sixes, beat the Prine.  With no sleep, and malaria rampant, they moved up and took on REO.  REO had beaten 5-Jenny & Johnny.  In an exciting battle, Petty put REO out of commission.  Salute him.  "I have to say, I respect Sir Tommy Petty.  He put a big hole in my Guadalcanal Campaign", said Ewing.

Sir Tom Petty is the lowest-seeded (13) band to win a Stormtrooper.

What does this mean to Tom Petty? You know, this Award means more than winning the Vader to some people.  A Stormtrooper has beaten great odds to get into the Sweet 16.  He has no home.  He is a wild animal.  The jungle is his home.  Who remembers Train winning the Vader?  I will always remember Sir Ray Wiley Hubbard picking up a Stormy.  Hubbard.  And now Sir Tommy Petty, who gets:

1-A free invite back to next year's Star Wars.

2-He can not be Big Balled, Downed Syndromed, or They Goned. Forever and Ever.

3-As a glorious Star Wars Stormtooper, he get the ultimate respect: He is now Knighted.  Call him Sir.  As in Sir Thomas Petty.  (Not sure why, but any current real-life Sir, such as Paul McCartney, IF he wins a Stormtrooper Award, he loses his "Sir" Title. Wade was real clear on that over at records and licensing.)

4-Tom Petty can punch any rock performer in the face with no consequence.  If he ever attends a U2 concert, he can throw Mr Edge off the stage and say, "Hey I'm the Edge", and play a really bad riff on a guitar.  With no consequence. 

5-As homage, Tom Petty can drive a LeCar on any slippery rode.  He can drink heavily.  He can crank music real loud.  And if cops come, he flashes his Stormtrooper Card, and there will be NO TROUBLE.

You think Devo and those Blind Boys O Alabammy wish they could not be Big Balled or Theygoned?  Well, they should win a Stormy....
...............................................................................................................................................

Storm Trooper Award (To lowest-ranking teams to make Sweet 16)
2012- 13-Sir Tom Petty
2011- Tie, 11-Sir George Harrison, 11- Dame Nora Jones
2010- 12-Sir Pink Floyd
2009- 12-Sir Roy Wiley Hubbard
2008- Tie, 12-Sir Alejandro Escovedo, 12-Sir John Lennon

....................................................................................................................................

Kirby Kile Award (Highest finishing 'Dead' performer)

The following winter another accident cost Kirby Kyle an arm -- fortunately not his pitching arm. He had one leg and one arm, but more than that, he had heart.

2012- Whitney Houston (Diane S. Entry)- Bravery and Valor: Stonewall Div: Took out 11-Fiest, took out 3-AC/DC, made it to Sweet 16, while dead.
2011- Jeff Healey (lost to Radiohead in Final Four, but beat: WHancock, Decemberists, 1-RollingStones.

SWEET 16!!

Sweet 16!  Love them or hate them, but they all get our respect for coming out alive from the bloody fray:
.....................................................................
Stalingrad

1-Graham Parker
4-Heartless Bastards

3-The Raveonettes
15-The Little Willies

.................................................................

McClellan

1-Black Keys
4-Raul Malo

3-Nada Surf
7-Cage The Elephant

...................................................................

Stonewall Jackson

1-George Harrison
4-Peter Frampton

6-Whitney Houston
2-Roy Orbison

.........................................................................

Guadalcanal

1-The Rolling Stones
13-Tom Petty (STORMTROOPER WINNER)

11-Paul McCartney
2-The Shins

...........................................................................

Jagger Injured!

Top seed Rolling Stones suffers major set back.  Preliminary reports have stated that Rolling Stones Mick Jagger has injured his shooting hand.  Mark Ewing could not be reached for comment. 

Ewing Looks to Veterans to Take Guadalcanal

It has not been a great war for Mark Ewing YET.  He lost literally everybody in the Stonewall.   He has got only UFO and The Polysics as his only hope in the Scott Division, or is it the Robert Lee, or the Marge Schott?  Even Signore is not sure.  Anyway, it looks bad there too.

 However, Stalingrad, my Stalingrad, is in good hands with Graham Parker and The Raveonettes.  2-Jenny Lewis didn't make it, and that is a shame.  War is not always a pleasant thing.

 Guadalcanal:  1-Rolling Stones blew out REM pretty quickly, they are now ready to advance.  The stupid Shinsters have one job: Kill Eric Clapton and they lay down..... and allow 3-Bobby Dylan to advance. 

Ah the Dylan. 

One day in 1983, Mark Ewing sat down and listened to a Bobby Dylan record.  Next he started making little cassette tape copies of Dylan's  early, funny  stuff.  When "Empire Burlesque" came out, Ewing was on the train. "Dylan probably should have been a 1-seed, but I am confident he can even get to the Final Four.  I'd like to see the Stones and Bobby Dylan meet each other to raise thy flag at ol Guadal."

Sometimes his lyrics are hard to follah.  Ewing can help:

Thunder Mountain


Thunder on the mountain, and there's fires on the moon
A ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon
Today's the day, gonna grab my trombone and blow
Well, there's hot stuff here and it's everywhere I go

What this means:  War is breaking out all over hell, and Tony knows this. He knows he has to organize his troops.  Instead, he decides to give some self love. Obviously the trombone is his penis, the hot stuff is.....(censored).

Bob Dylan forges ahead.  Tony Signore, that sons a bitch,  gets mixed up real bad.  Look for Bobby Dylan to find Sir Paul McCartney and kill him.  Ewing has ordered Dylan to bury Paul's heart in a Guadalcanalian swamp.

Will the Willies be Storm Troopers?

Several groups are in line for the coveted Storm Trooper award after Round One.  President Signore had this to say at his Saturday morning shoot-around. "Feel pretty good, pretty, pretty good.  Our teams made a sham and a mockery....in fact two shams and a mockery of the Stalingrad division. I haven't seen a division  this weak since the Twins won the Central in 2009.  Look at Green Sky....that was some win, eh?  Lynne, Willies, Sisters, are all rookies, but they didn't play like it.  Damn, what the hell was Ewing doing? I like how the veterans stepped up as well, Petty and Sir Paul and Clapton....oh!  and REO! All good, all good.  Now somebody get me a carrot."  Signore was later seen chewing on a carrot and doing a very good Harry Carey impersonation. It is this reporter's opinion that Ewing is in deep trouble.  Last night the Rolling Stones got into a shouting match with Bobby Dylan. Is Ewing losing control? His entire tournament is now resting on several grey-haired  groups and a pop band from Japan.

Fuss and Feathers Replaced!

Robert E. lee knew the importance of taking the high ground.  At the end of Day One of the battle of Gettysburg, Lee ordered General Ewell, to take Cemetery Hill. Ewell, did not.  And the rest, as they say, is history. The Union controlled the battle field.  The ensuing slaughter would require the loss of thousands of soldiers, both grey and blue.  Yes, Day One.

Round One, is over.  I ordered Winfield Scott to take the high ground.  But as usual, ‘Old Fuss and Feathers’ was more interested in making sure his ascot matched his pantaloons, rather than taking care of business at hand.  The result was a disaster.  Not only did he allow the infidels Nada Surf to penetrate the front line, but also, and maybe more costly, he let Ploy-texas gun down reigning champion Radiohead.  When General Lee found out that  Stonewall Jackson had his arm amputated after the battle of Chancellorsville, he said, “Jackson has lost his left arm, but I have lost my right arm.” Without Radiohead to snuff out the infidels in this division, I have little hope.  So it is with heavy heart that as of today, Winfield Scott will be replaced with with George McClellan.  

Please make note in your Brackets that on today’s date, Saturday, March 17, 2012, the Winfield Scott Division must be referred to as the George McClellan Division.  

Gun to the head...

I love ploy-texas

Tony Signore

As The Beatles took the court Thursday, one could hear the sing-song whispers from the opposing side stands, "You better run better run faster than my bullet." This didn't seems to phase The Beatles much, they had been here before. They had the bright lights and cameras on them, they recognized the pressure. It was a meager attempt to intimidate the veterans. As The Beatles huddled together before the start you could almost hear Paul McCartney say, "All Together Now."

Foster the People were sweating. The stank of their nerves filled the arena. They had heard The Beatles had been practicing "Eight Days a Week." Foster wasn't even sure how this could be done. They were feeling the pressure, and no one was sure they could "Carry That Weight." No one, I mean No one wanted to face The Beatles in their first appearance of Star Wars, regardless of how the teams were seeded. It comes down to experience and confidence, and at that moment Foster the People were choking back their vomit.

The game began, and just as Foster the People had feared the game was in the hands of The Beatles. They played with confidence and grace. Foster almost gave up after the alley-oop from Lennon to Starr was slammed in Mark Foster's face. But, Foster the People had come to play, and after that they decided to fight fiercely. Trailing by two with less than five minutes remaining. Mark Foster drew in the defence and then kicked the ball out to Cubbie Fink who drained an elegant three-pointer. For the rest of the game Foster the People held the lead, with a final score of 75-68.

Foster the People celebrated! On the other side of the court you could hear The Beatles grumbling with disappointment. Finally it was Lennon who was heard to have said, "Guys, 'Let it Be! They knew, like everyone else, that they would be back next year. The Star Wars Coaches couldn't resist a classic like The Beatles. 

Now with one game down, Foster the People are feeling cocky and fresh. Mark Foster was quoted at the end of the game saying, "All the other 'bands' with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run!"

First Huge Upset!! 15-Polysics Knock Off 2-Radiohead!!!

16Mar12

  The Ol' Huff n' Snuff Feathers Winifred Scott Division took a MAJOR HIT today when a little-known Japanese Band, The Polysics, took 2-seed Radiohead (2011 Star Wars Champ) out of the tournament.  the game was close, and the Polysics hung tough the whole game, surviving a maddening comeback attempt by The Radiohead. 
  This loss has got to hurt Tony Signore bad.  The Polysics are not a good band.  Bunch of Japs with questionable music skills making bad attempts to sound like a new-wave band from the 80's.....
  Tony Signore is pissed.  "I saw Radiohead taking 15-seed jump shots, the sign of a bad team...me couldn't believe it, shit", said Signore.  The game was observed from Mularkey's on East Beltline.

  Very interesting bottom of the Scott Division:  6-Young the Giant to play 3-Nada Surf.  7-Cage the Elephant to play 15-Polysics.  The 1-Black Keys are still the class of the division, but they can hardly afford to lose stupidly and have one of the upstart bands advance. 
  "I don't have to worry about The Black Keys", said Tony.  He said the same thing about the Cardinals right before they beat down the Eagles in a play-off game a few years back.....

YES!

Nothing to say. Just wanted get a picture of Shelby Lynne on the blog before she gets eliminated....

16-Sarah Bareilles has the tough task of taking on the Black Keys.  Check it out.

Yes.  Jenny Lewis.  And how.

Skirmish at the Star Wars....

Sandy: "Who is that team?"
Mark:  Nick Cave
Sandy: "No, who is the black team?"
Mark:  "Greensky blue or something"
Sandy: (annoyed): No, Who are they?
Mark: "Oh, Abe Hoekwater"
Sandy: (livid) Fuck! Who are they? Do you understand anything at all?
Mark: (becoming annoyed) What are you asking me?
Sandy: (almost yelling): What is the name of that team?
Mark: VCU.
Sandy:  I know, you Fuck stick! But who are they?
Mark:  (very pissed)  I have told you!  VCU! Are you asking me what VCU stands for?
Sandy: Yes, ass!
Mark: (Visibly pissed off) Virginia Commenwealth. Why the fuck didn't you ask me that in the first place?
Sandy: Fuckstick. (walks out of room)

The Biscuit Will Fail

The phone rings.
Abe: “Who am I?”  
Tony: “Abe, you are a man. A camper, a hunter and a damn fine trapper.”
Abe: “No, who am I really?”

Everyone wants to know the answer to this question. It has haunted men for centuries. We all want to know. Well, I can tell you, but you might not like what you hear. You are smack-dab in the middle of the greatest basketball tournament ever played.  You are mere hours away from the most exciting non-stop, belly busting, gut wrenching, buzzer-beating, musical blood-bath  that this planet has ever witnessed. Where else will REM take on the Rolling Stones? Where Led Zeppelin might use a full-court press to undermine  the sharp shooting of Boston? Here my friends. Right here.

Mark Ewing has asked me to make my picks for the sweet 16.  He is an ass.  I will not play his games. He can’t tell me what to do.  He is not the boss of me.  Nostradamus, however, made many predictions, and if you read his work carefully, his truth becomes quite perceptible.

Stalingrad  - Not much fun in Stalingrad, John Cleese once said. Right, and now for something completely different. No, not a man with three buttocks, but this:
“Because of the solar heat on the sea
Of Euboea the fishes half cooked:
The inhabitants will come to cut them,
When the biscuit will fail Rhodes and Genoa.”

Yes, the biscuit will fail. What was Nostradamus saying? The biscuit is of course, Jenny Lewis. She will bow out early as usual. Half cooked fishes? Kieth Urban..he gone!  Even a small child can see that old Nostra’ saw these four team emerging from this bracket:

• Parker
• Cave
• Lynne
• Heads

Fuss and Feathers - Brigadier General Scott earned the nickname of "Old Fuss and Feathers" for his insistence on military appearance and discipline in this man’s army. This is not a bracket for the faint-hearted. But what does Nostradamus say?
“Shortly before the monarch is assassinated,
Castor and Pollux in the ship, bearded star:
The public treasure emptied by land and sea,
Pisa, Asti, Ferrara, Turin land under interdict.”

The monarch he is referring to is the Beatles. They will fade away like a face they keep in a jar by the door. They gone....  UFO(Castor)?...gone.  Zevon(Pollux)?...he gone! The bearded star is Nada Surf.  The beard obviously is code for disguise. They were Black-balled, hence the beard. N’ Damus predicts:

• Keys
• Malo
• Surf
• Radio

Stonewall Jackson - Another strong bracket. Like it’s name sake, it will take a bullet from one of it’s own men, then after having it’s arm amputated, will linger on it’s deathbed for days before it gives up the ghost. Again we turn to our sage.

“One who the infernal gods of Hannibal
Will cause to be reborn, terror of mankind
Never more horror nor worse of days
In the past than will come to the Romans through Babel.”

If the “one” doesn’t mean George Harrison, then I will eat my own head, sir! Reborn, is what Harrison kept talking about in his songs. Lennon once said to George, “Stop talking about rebirth you stupid idiot. That’s no way to sell records.”

The Dam-master predicts:

• Harrison
• Mott
• A/C D/C
• Orbison

Guadalcanal - “We lost a lot of good men at Guadalcanal, a lot of good men.” I once said this in a drunken state, on a boat, in a canal! Look for plenty of upsets in this bracket. Take it away Nostradamus:

“Milk, frog's blood prepared in Dalmatia.
Conflict given, plague near Treglia:
A great cry will sound through all Slavonia,
Then a monster will be born near and within Ravenna.”

The conflict is the Rolling Stones. Too much milk and frog blood.  And...they gone! A great cry will sound...as stones fans once again get let down like beggars at a banquet. Who will triumph? Nosey-nostradamus locks in:

• Emmy Lou
• Prine
• Zappa
• Shin

And that’s it you sons of bitches....interpreting 14th century prognosticators is not as easy as it looks.  So who are you Abe? You are what you eat. And I noticed you had the fish today.

Ewing pick his Sweet 16

Sons a Bitches, here are my picks for the Sweet 16:

You guys do the same....why am I the only one on here?

Stalingrad
1-Graham Parker
5- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
3-The Raveonettes
2-Jenny Lewis

W.Scott
1-The Black Keys
4- Raol Malo
6- Young the Giant
2- Radiohead

Stonewall
8-Bruce Springsteen
12-Rilo Kiley
3- AC/DC
10- Led Zeppelin

Guadalcanal
1-The Rolling Stones
5-Jenny and Johnny
11-Paul McCartney
2-The Shins

(Rilo Kiley wins 2012 Stormtrooper Award)
..........................................................................

Final Four:  Parker, Radiohead, AC/DC, Rolling Stones
.......................................................................
Championship:  Graham Parker over The Rolling Stones!

Play In Games Underway! Bob Seger, Artic Monkeys Advance.

16-The Floaters lose to 16-The Artic Monkeys:  Monkeys come back from 16-point deficit.  Next up for The Artic Monkeys:   1-Graham Parker at Stalingrad.  Gah.

14-Bob Seger (2011 Runner-up)  knocks out 14-Ween:  Seger is amazing in The Star Wars.  Last year, he went to the Championship Game as an 8-seed.  Last night, he came back from being down by 25 points.  Ween is no picnic of a team.  Next up:  The powerful  3-Nada Surf in Winifred Scott Division
...................................................................................................................................................................

Obama likes the Stones

– President Barack Obama has Graham Parker, Roy Orbison, Radiohead and The Rolling Stones in the final four of his NCAA men's basketball bracket.  Obama has The Rolling Stones beating Graham Parker in the Finals.  "You can't count out Charlie Watts....," clucked Obama.

Criswell Announces his upsets that WILL happen

Upset Picks For 2012 NCAA Tournament

Found this dork on-line who uses some computer and numbers-based Star System, thought I'd publish his upset picks.......In my “official” bracket predictions that I posted last night, which I made using a stats-based system that heavily incorporates the Four Factors, I ended up with the following first round upsets:

• #12 John Hiatt over #5 Jenny and Johnny (this one, of course, assumes Hiatt beats REO Speedwagon in the First Four)
• #14 Guy Clark over #3 Bob Dylan
• #11 Paul McCartney over #6 Frank Zappa
• #10 Little Willies over #7 The Talking Heads
• #11 feist over #6 Whitney Houston
• #11 Warren Zevon over #6 Young The Giant

Boy, I would hate to see ol' Bobby Dylan go down this early to Guy Clark....

Dick Vitale submits his Sweet 16

 There is perhaps no other figure and voice more prominent and recognizable in The Star Wars world than Dick Vitale. 

 Vitale was asked about the gathering of troops at Stalingrad:

"Graham Parker is the favorite, but this is no easy road to the Final Four.  Graham Parker and the Rumour are in a bracket with multiple dangerous teams, including Wilco/Nick Cave, even before they could possibly get to The Raveonettes or Jenny Lewis.  The Raveonettes have the length to match Parker more than any other team in this region."

 

Dickie V's Sweet 16 - March 12, 2012

1. Graham Parker-1
2. George Harrison-1
3. The Black Keys-1
4. The Rolling Stones-1
5. Radiohead-2
6. The Shins-2
7. Roy Orbison-2
8. Jenny Lewis-2
9. AC/DC-3
10. Raul Malo-4
11. The Raveonettes-3
12. Nada Surf-3
13. Bob Dylan-3
14. John Prine-4
15. Peter Frampton-4
16. Young The Giant 6-seed

Jackson's line up set

Stonewall Jackson's team can relax, they put on a long weekend getting ready to do battle.  You can't hold it against them if they let their "hair down" a little...LOL.  "Yeah, the boys like to let loose, swim in the river, and raise a some heck.  We are ready.  We practiced our flanking and maneuvers for three whole days.  So, if the boys want to drink, use their cell phones and order pizzas, who the cares?" quipped a a very confident Jackson.  Some of Jackson's men were later seen having scantily dressed women seducing pizza delivery boys.  Jackson could not be reached for comment. 

Star Wars 2012: Opening Ceremonies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdjY6oy4Y2c&feature=player_embedded

Instructions to all coaches.  Play the Star Wars Opening Ceremony Song.  Salute The Vader as you listen.  Reflect on things you have done wrong in your life.  The farmhouse.  Vow to turn things around.  You want the Vader.  Have you made the correct decisions?  You still have some coaching to do.  You know what I'm talking about?  You hear me talking?  Get off your ass.

MTV Starts their own Star Wars???!!!

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1680844/foo-fighters-mumford-sons-mtv-musical-march-madness.jhtml

Play-in Games Announced

Play-in Games Announced!

16-The Floaters Vs 16-The Artic Monkeys:  Winner to play 1-Graham Parker at Stalingrad
(Miss Valley-WKentucky)

14-Bob Seger Vs 14-Ween: Winner to play 3-Nada Surf in W Scott Div
(BYU-Iona)

16-Black Boys of Alabamy@ Vs 16-R.E.M.- Winner to play 1-Rolling Stones at Guadalcanal
(Lamar-Vermont)

12-John Hiatt@ Vs 12-REO Speedwagon- Winner to play 4-John Prine at Guadalcanal
(California-SFla)

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The 68 team system is sorta hard to anticipate.  Here is how I figured it.  The Floaters always get in as extra 16-seed.  The Artic Monkeys were Tony's regular 16th team.  Bob Seger was runner-up last year and gets a free invite back.  Ween is the regular 14-seed, and not an add-in.  Black Boys of Alabama and John Hiatt were both Blackballed, but get to come back in.  Hiatt gets the higher seed since he was ranked highest at time of Blackball.   REO Speedwagon is the regular 12-seed, and not an add-in. REM is the regular 16-seed and not an add-in.
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I should have the sheet mailed out Monday, I hope you get it quickly.  Mark

Final Bracket Thoughts

Yep, 10Mar12 is over, and we have our brackets. 

The Big Guns:  Mark:  Graham Parker, The Rolling Stones
                         Tony: George Harrison, The Black Keys
(The Rolling Stones try again after not making final 8 last year as a 1-seed.  Parker always high-seeded, but sat out last year.  Harrison is a low-seed veteran, but made sweet16 as 11-seed last year.  Black Keys were good as rookies in 2010, sat out last year, ready to make a big move this year.)


Surprises?:  Mark has Jenny Lewis as a 2-seed, when he has most of her stuff
                            Tony goes heavy old classics (Boston, Frampton,etc) in the Stonewall


Big Balled:  Mark lost Guadalcanal 2-seed John Hiatt to The Shins
                             Tony lost WScott 3-seed BlindBoysAlabam to Nada Surf

Thrown Out in Phase One:  Mark threw out Nora Jones in Phase One.  I believe she has a 12- 1 record in the last 2 years. Tony: Forgot to throw a group out.  He usually aims for  Devo.

Downed Sydrome:  Tony forced Devo to 16, Rilo Kiley up to 12
                                 Mark forced Springsteen to 8, Peter Frampton up to 4

The Arena:  The Sand Bar near Gun Lake after hiking to The Devil's Soupbowl.
                             Mark had the Sandburger with fries.  Labatt in the Bottle.
                             Tony had the Rodeo burger with fries.  Maple (?) beer. From Frankenmueth.
        

2012 Star Wars Final Brackets Ready To Go

2012 Star Wars Final Brackets

A-Stalingrad (Mark)

01- Graham Parker
02- Jenny Lewis
03- The Raveonettes
04- The Heartless Bastards
05- Nick Cave
06- Keith Urban (Sandy)
07- Talking Heads
08- Kayak
09- UFO
10- Elvis Costello
11- Warren Zevon
12- The Beatles
13- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14- Ween
15- Polysics
16- Sarah Bareilles

A-Thomas Stonewall Jackson (Tony)

01- George Harrison
02- Roy Orbison
03- AC/DC
04- Peter Frampton (Dwn Syndrm w.BSpringsteen)
05- Mott The Hoople
06- Whitney Houston (Diane)
07- Boston
08- Bruce Springsteen (Dwn Synd)
09- Emmy Lou Harris
10- Eric Clapton
11- Paul McCartney
12- REO Speedwagon
13- Tom Petty
14- Guy Clark
15- The Black Crowes
16- R.E.M.

B-Guadalcanal (Mark)

01- The Rolling Stones
02- The Shins (BigBalled John Hiatt)
03- Bob Dylan
04- John Prine
05- Jenny & Johnny
06- Frank Zappa (Frank L)
07- Brian Jonestown Massacre
08- Fairport Convention
09- Gang of Four
10- Led Zeppelin
11- Feist
12- Rilo Kiley (Dwn Sndromed Devo)
13- Nick Lowe
14- Patti Smith
15- The Cars
16- Devo (Dwn Synd)

B-Winfield Fuss and Feathers Scott -Tony

01- The Black Keys
02- Radiohead (2011 Winner)
03- Nada Surf (BigBalled: Blind Boys of Alabama)
04- Raul Malo
05- Foster The People (Julia)
06- Young The Giant (Jim B)
07- Cage The Elephant (Dan S)
08- The Civil Wars
09- Wilco
10- The Little Willies
11- Shelby Lynne
12- Greensky Bluegrass (Abe)
13- Hayes Carll
14- Justin Townes Earle
15- The Secret Sisters
16- Artic Monkeys
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Disco Infercone-Jimmy Ellis Dies in burning inferno.

(Death Star) -- Jimmy Ellis, who belted out the dance anthem "Disco Inferno" in the 1970s for the Trammps, died Thursday in South Carolina, the funeral home handling arrangements said.

He was 74.

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I have two memories of The Alibi: 

 1-Dancing with Anita to "Disco Inferno", all the while thinking that I'm not really in my element...but I did like girls....and that is where girls went.

 2-Saw a girl sitting alone at a table, and thought I'd ask her to dance.  She said NO.....

3- Ordering gallons of beer.  They were called Supa Beers....(what did Supa stand for? Super?  I never 'got' that.

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I don't recall if The Trammps ever made the Star Wars, but in a way, I sorta expect they did, since back in the 70's, most groups going into Star Wars were extremely current groups....

Star Wars Brain Trust

Star Wars Brain Trust.

Yes, once again boys and girls it’s time to sit at the bar, drink beer and put on the blue gloves of happiness; the Star Wars tournament is heating up and you’re invited to hone your voyeuristic tendencies into a sharpened symbolic point and thus enable a once-proud tradition of bracketology and gamesmanship to substantially lower yourself, and those who are feeble enough to participate, transform into an idiotic, yet incredibly visceral, display of human carnage, not unlike watching a train wreck.  Please sir, may I have some more?

Best wishes,

Charles Dickens

Star Wars Rules

Phase One:  Have to drink beer. Both coaches submit 34 (Two groups of 17) names of music singers/groups/bands.  Naming the teams from bottom up, if both coaches have the same group, the higher ranked person, LOCKS them in at that spot. Losing coach submits another group in.  Guest coaches usually go into the 6th seed, but this is not actually official. 
 
The Signore "They Gone" Elimination Rule:
There is a one-time turn where one can eliminate any of your opponent's entries (Top 5 excluded) from the Star Wars. One has to time one's move, you say "They Gone" as soon as the other coach announces the band.  You can't know what groups are ranked higher so pick your spot.  Signore was pleased with himself when he came upon this plan of action. "A step in the right direction. I will do whatever I can to get rid of some of the vermin that has been creeping into the tournament."

............................................................................................................................................
Phase Two:  Have to drink beer. Locked teams and guest teams don't move, but otherwise,  the final locking of positions is put in.  However, Phase Two allows coaches to 'cut' any team and put in any un-claimed team into these spots.  

 Ewing Down Syndrome Rule:  Coach can do a one-time: switch any two teams (up to 5 spots) from opposing coach's list.  Top 3 teams are immune.  So beware of who you put in Star Wars.  Your opponent will often ''bring up'' your stupidist group to force you to have a better chance at winning the CD you don't want.

Note:  The Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced Rule:  No team can occupy any Top 3 slot unless they have previous Star Wars experience.  New Bands can NOT simply start off in a great spot. They have to earn it.

Note:  Talking Heads Same As It Ever Was Injuction: Winning team from last year automatically gets entered back in with winning coach.  They are required to be re-entered. They can't be tossed out, they can't get Bigballed but they can be Downedsyndromed.   2012 RunnerUp: The Shins (Tony)

Bon Scott Big Balls Move:  New for 2012.  Signore Rule.  BigBalling:  With coinflips determine the spot, a coach can eliminate ANY team and replace it with a different band.  One team from each side gets Big Balled.  The new band must be considered under the radar, and it can be from any era.  It can NOT be used to force an opponent to take a band he hates. 

The Extra Expansion Teams
As in the NCAA, there are expansion teams.  The Floaters always get in.  They were in the very first StarWars and have been a participant ever since.  The only team to do this, I believe.  They always suck and they always have to be a lowly 16-seed.   New for 2012: The previous season Runner-up band (or highest finishing band from previous year not in Star Wars) gets a re-invite.  The two teams that got big-balled get to come back in as well. The higher of the original seeded bands gets the highest re-entry spot.   This may result in uneven number of bands for each coach, and the placement is somewhat a judgement call, but remember, we are under time constraints and these teams probably aren't going too far anyway.
This should result in the final brackets!
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The 5th Dimension: Thanks for the Fish

Mark Ewing says The 5th Dimension will not be getting an invite to the Star Wars Tournament this year.  They have never received an invite from him.  Even though Mark owns an album by them.  This is the album Mark got from the fucking Easter Bunny for Easter in 1971 or 1972.  It is The 5th Dimension.  Mark was assessed to having a liking for the mellow sounds.  While brother Steve was perceived as a fan of acid hard rock, he appropriatley received an album by The Three Dog Night.

Ewing cuts Van Halen, The Shins

In a somewhat unexpected move, Mark Ewing has cut both Van Halen and The Shins from the Star Wars 2012. 

  "I just heard most of the new Van Halen, and it is pretty much boring, rubbish" said Ewing.  "I liked the older, funny stuff, but this new stuff is tripe."

 The Shins have progressively fallen down the rankings as time went on.  "These guys just don't have much to offer.  A lot of the songs sucketh."

"Now I have to go back in....and find some good stuff..."

In other action, Tony Signore is rumoured to be thinking about putting in The Howdy Doody Christmas Album.....

NCAA Dates

2012 StarWarsIdiots® March Madness® Schedule

Date	Event
March 11:	Selection Sunday™
March 13 & 14:	First Four
March 15 & 16:	Second Round
March 17 & 18:	Third Round
March 22 & 23:	NCAA Sweet Sixteen™
March 24 & 25:	Elite Eight®
March 31:	Final Four®
April 2:	National Championship

Lawyers and Litigation

Signore has hired famous defense lawyer Johnny Cochran to defend himself against the potential lawsuits from Mark Ewing.  When reached to comment, Signore had this to say; "Johnny Cochran?  I thought I hired Eddie Cochran!"


Ed note: .(Does Tony know that Johnny Cocharan is dead?) What an idiot!