Emporer Ewing Predicts His Sweet 16, Invites Other SW Idiots To Do The Same:

East: 1-The Rolling Stones, 4-Jeff Healey, 3-Belle & Sebastian, 2-Waylan Jennings

West: 1-Ian Hunter, 4- Drive By Truckers, 3-Radiohead, 10-Train                          

Southwest: 1- Gregg Allman, 12-Paul Simon, 6-AC/DC, 2-KOL                           

              Southeast:  1- Keith Richards, 4-The Beatles, 6-Mother Truckers, 2-John Hiatt   

                

His voice was measured, his language formal, his demeanor somber. It was perhaps the clearest sign yet of just how grave the Star Wars hype had become: The emperor spoke:
:

  Hey guys.  Yes, This is the Sweet 16 according to Mark Ewing.  "Let me tell ya, George Jones is in trouble, they will struggle Vs Devo, they will get eliminated by The AC/DC.  I think Ween may be overconfident and lose to the MotherTruckers.  Oh and Paul Simon WILL take out Steve Earle...turn on the TV ifn you don't believe me. Nick Lowe better hit his free throws, lest he be watching The Train take his place in the higher rounds.  I'm just sayin'.  Sweet Lincoln's Mullett! Paul Simon, get ready to accept your Stormtrooper Award because it is coming over to you." 

Mark Ewing was stopped from exploding this funky rocket at the StarWars Kick-off Celebration.

Robert Plant Takes Out Michael Jackson in Star Wars Opener!

  Shark bits and pieces of noses everywhere after game

  Frank Lalonde Correctly Picks Plant As Winner

  Blind Willie Johnson Eliminated  by  Emmylou Harris in 2nd game

  Robert Plant, who Tony Signore insulted by putting him in as a 16th-seed, was behind most of the game, until the Golden Gods took The Michael Jackson Silver Gloves to the bathhouse in OVERTIME.   "Plant hung in there and did a good job of setting the pace", said Manager Peter Grant.  "What chaps my ass was those kids selling their posters in the concourses.  Just an extra nickel to be drained, by exploiting Led Zeppelin, with stars n stripes behind it."
  Plant will next tee-off against old friend 1-Seeded Keith Richards.  Richards will be a heavy favorite.  Michael Jackson put up a good fight, but in the end, he let it slip away.  "Everyone is just ignorant.  They just ignorant", said a glum Jako.
  Robert Plant, after a threesome with some ginger groupies, hopped in a cab and was on his way to join up with 7-Led Zeppelin, who have a game Vs 10-Katy Perry.

It's The Rolling Stones, baby!

Dick Vitale on The Star Wars Tournament: Good news for Stones, Bad news for Allman.



For the next 3 weeks, it doesn't get any better than this.  Just about everyone goes crazy for the Star Wars Tournament....It's awesome baby, with a capital A!
  Sixty eight groups will be battling for the Darth Vader Trophy, and this year's party should be special and has the potential for an incredible tournament.  The field has a number of quality teams but does not possess a Goliath who is clearly head and shoulders above all the rest.   My gut tells me there are 12 to 15 bands that have a legitimate chance to win 6 consecutive games.  Many in the dance have the talent to make the Sweet 16, but then reality will set in.  Gregg Allman, will not get past 4-seeded Tom Petty.  You heard it first here baby!

My Final Four is The Rolling Stones, Ian Hunter, Keith Richards and Tom Petty.  And when it's all said and done on April 4th, my choice to cut the nets down and celebrate as the 2011 national champs will be the Rolling Stones Black 'N Blue!  Who said The Stones are past their prime?  Mark Ewing will be enjoying a brand new Rolling Stones Box Set courtesy of Tony Signore!

"Star Wars Sucks"-Roger Ebert

He Gone....Play ball.

Floaters, Black Country Woman Take Court for opening Ceremonies.  Darth Vader cuts the ribbon, Tony Signore cuts the Cheese.  Ebert gives a thumbs up. 

LaLonde's Locks (part deux)

Coach LaLonde went on the record to say that any future picks he makes will be off the record.  He then proceeded to make selections in the various play-in games (all the time muttering something about 'stupid bracket mishaps', 'stupid beer cases', 'stupid...stupid...stupid..."):

16 Seeds in East:  Black Country Communion (UT San Antonio) Vs The Floaters (Alabama St)
--No surprises here...The Floaters will advance...you can bet everything you have on that (though I'll hang onto MY wallet...)

12 Seeds in East: Emmylou Harris (Clemson) Vs Blind Willie Johnson (UAB)
--A little bit of Country...The Harris will 'handle' The Johnson...on AND off the court, 600(0) - 2

11 Seeds in SW:  Marty Robbins (USC) Vs Nora Jones (VCU)
--What can I say?  Oh...you want a pick...ok...The Jones' over The Robbins...Easy Money...

16 Seeds in SE:  Robert Plant (NC Asheville) Vs Michael Jackson (Arkansas Little Rock)
--I've gotta say...I'm impressed with the way The Michael Jackson has been handling the 'Moonwalk' Drill, but The Robert Plant has the presence of mind to 'walk' all over The Jackson...

LaLonde: "What is this? A rice field? A nuclear plant? Geeze..."

With the troubling news that Emperor Ewing (who still has a committee trying to figure out how many cases of beer fit on a pallet) has apparently been befuddled with some more 'bullship' (to quote the Emperor), several of the competing coaches have raised questions about Ewing's ability to hold onto power.
"This is like one disaster

One Disaster

followed by another,

Another

followed by another..."

Another...

LaLonde told a gathering of mongoloids at a local playground.  "What can we do, when you have a madman running the show?  Statements like 'we had to take liberties'...what next will 'we' take?  Our Freedom?  First they came for the Orange Street Band, and we did nothing.  Then they came for The Verve Pipe, and we did nothing.  I think any sane person can add one plus one, and choose option 'C'..."

Meanwhile, Coach Signore was mumbling something about where he'd put his secret "Nora Jones" pyramid drill plans.  Asked whether those were at all similar to Ewing's much maligned 'Cone Drill', Signore said:  "Mmmph....damned papa...uh...papara....uh...**grumble**...razzle...uh...stupid photographers..."

Also, at an undisclosed location, Coaches Kruska and Sandy "The Girl" Ewing could not be reached for comments on the record.  Though, Sandy did say:  "What a bunch of idiots."  Emperor Ewing, and coaches LaLonde and Signore were elated upon hearing that.  "Wow...that really shows support for our massive task ahead of us..."